The Merchant of Emotion

            TELL SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF. Sounds easy to say but the truth is right now I'm having a hard time grasping words that would best describe me. I guess one of the few persons that I hardly know is myself. Isn't it sad? But, no! Don't pity me because it would be the last thing that I want others to feel for me. Bingo! There I already said something about myself.

            But one thing I can truly say about myself is that I am a certified music enthusiast! Listening to music can send me to sleep at night and can perk me up during the day. I can't even study or work well w/o music playing. It lightens my mood when I'm lonely. I like almost all kinds or genre of music, from the classic songs of Matt Monroe and Michael Jackson to the songs of today like that of Beyoncé and Yeng Constantino.
 

            I also love dancing! Man, I can dance the whole night without feeling tired a bit. Almost everyone especially my performing arts mentor say that I'm good at what I do - DANCING. But few know that back then I'm a reject dancer. Sometime when I was a second grader, my teacher replaced me with another dancer because I'm a lousy performer of Pearly Shell. Gosh! Only that?! I can even well-choreograph a dance sequence for that.

            Ehem! Well, my talent, as you all know, is not a surprise in our family because we are a clan of musicians. But..just don't tell this to anybody..I actually got a low grade in our music class. I have a hard time reading music notes. Haay.. I can still remember when I was made to kneel down for one hour because the horrible score we got. Yikes! But, maybe that was my flaw on the music side. And it happened before I know that we are a clan of great musicians. Maybe now if given the chance to relearn I can do it and will do it with enthusiasm!

            One thing about me is that I'm already taken...taken for granted! Imagine at the age of 21 (25 now and still) no guy ever looked a second glance at me? (Oh, c'mon!) I'm beginning to really believe that I'm ugly, It's just my mother is telling me otherwise.

            One good thing about me is that I'm a natural clown and a mascot! I can make people laugh when I'm in my lightest mood.

            I'm also a certified Kapamilya! I'm an ABS-CBN loyalist. I guess I would suggest Daddy Lopez to give me a loyalty award. Whad'ya think?

            On the drama side.. Oh! Have I told you that I'm good at acting on stage? Well, boasting aside I excel in our theater arts class. I'm hailed as one of the best actresses in our batch (applause)..

            Okay, on with our drama.. I'm not a simple girl really..the truth is I'm a complicated person.

            I'm a hopeless romantic who does not believe in happy endings. I still believe in whirlwind romances but very skeptic when talking about boys. You know what I want? I want that my first boyfriend, if there's going to be any, would also be my last. Aw! How romantic, isn't it? It's just one of my hopeless romantic views.

            I'm a Comm Arts Major who communicates poorly. I think I'm more in to arts than into communication. I did mention earlier that I'm an award winning actress in school, right? But do you know that I'm suffering from stage fright. I'm a lousy speaker in front of so many people watching. God! You just don't know my agonies when I'm standing on that platform and everyone is staring at me. I want to disappear! How I wished the earth would swallow me under. It's a nightmare for me.

            One of my (few) weaknesses is that I hate numbers or should I say numbers hate me for hating them that much! And right now I'm in a Math class! Gosh! I hope Ma'am Solitario would never think of giving me a failing grade..

            On the other hand, I'm an outgoing person but a loner at times. I like socializing with others when in my most party mood. But I want to be left alone and don't want to talk with anybody when I'm depressed with something or I'm angry or just don't feel like talking to someone. I'm very poetic in this state. You wanna hear a sample of my piece that I wrote? I admit that it's not very polished like the ones you read from the books but I'm proud of it anyway. Here goes:

i'm shattered...

my hopes are falling to pieces...

i need to regain my confidence

or else..time will come that i can't anymore respect myself.

i'd go insane....

right before i sleep

it sometimes cross my mind

to wish of not ever seeing the day's light again.

i can feel my self worth gradually declining..

so, don't ask for love...

i can't give you any..

because i have nothing more to give...

all i have is a little respect..

please..don't take it away from me.

Bravo! (applause)

            Anyway, I love the outdoor life but thinks I'm really a home buddy when everybody is out. Maybe because I have an unhealthy relationship with my stepfather that I want to go out most of the time. I'm not saying that he's evil. It's just that maybe we're very opposite in many things. I always felt like staying at home when no one is around.

            They say I'm a nosy person. I gossip every so often. Hell, no!I'm not one of the a gossip-monger, I'm just a social person..always communicating and socializing with other social beings like you.

            I can still give a smile to a person i hated so much...call it plasticity if you will but I don't consider myself plastic..I'm just FLEXIBLE!

            Do you still remember earlier that I said I'm ugly? I'm revoking it. Actually, I'm not that really, really ugly. I am just an ugly duckling, now ugly like a duckling but soon to be a pretty lady like a swan(happy!). As to when will that transformation will happen is for me to know and for you to find out.

            Ho! talking about not knowing one's self, huh?

- this was submitted as a partial fulfillment in Math 152. Nov. 21, 2007; with minor revisions